Dear Future Husband...

Well, it's been a long time since I've done this and it is definitely loooong overdue. I hope you are doing well, that you are happy and healthy, and that you are loving where you are in life right now.

Can I just say...It has been super tough these past couple months? In my life there has been talk of engagements, boyfriends and girlfriends, weddings, and all other sorts of mushy-gushy stuff and I am currently without you. 

It's hard to not be jealous of the people that seem to have everything that I could ever want in a relationship. They're cute, engaged (or really close to it), and 100% in love even through the hard stuff. And here I am struggling just to make it through a day without thinking about how much I may or may not have. These days it feels more like "not have."

It's kind of ironic because I'm always telling my sweet girls at church to find their hope, their love, and their identity in God while I am struggling to do the very same thing. I guess that's the beauty of the whole thing. How could I ask my girls to do something that I myself am not willing to do or fight for?
 
And I realize that when you walk into my life forever, there will be moments where I am really mad or confused or hurt and at the end of the day, I will always have to find my hope, my strength, my love, and my identity in God alone. Maybe that's why God hasn't brought us together yet… Maybe we are both still learning what it means to be completely in love with our Maker and Savior and when we come together, we will be a force to be reckoned with against the powers of Satan. And right now, that's what we have to do. We have to fight Satan for our right to love our God without guilt or that lonely feeling that sometimes creeps into our hearts. 

I have no idea if you feel the same way or if you're struggling too but I can only hope that no matter what is going on in your life right now, you are finding your refuge in God and His great, all-encompassing love for you…

Right now 1 Corinthians 13:4 keeps popping in my head.
"Love is patient…"

Easier said than done but I'm trying.

See you soon hopefully.
xoxo,
Allison