Dear Future Husband,
For whatever reason, I feel the need to start off this letter with an apology. I'm sorry for the overwhelming amount of letters that consist of me complaining that you're not here and struggling with how much I miss you. I don't know why I'm sorry but I am.
I guess, maybe, I feel like I should be okay. I love Jesus. I shouldn't be struggling with singleness. I feel a lot of pressure to be either okay or in a relationship that is leading to marriage. There's really no in between.
And this letter is really no different.
I'm currently sitting in Creek Coffee with a loss for words and really ability to express how exactly I'm feeling right now. It's a mixture of emotions and it's really hard. I'm sitting in a coffee shop full of people I know and feel absolutely alone.
I still haven't heard from or seen him. I guess this is where it starts. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I really want to be hopeful, I do, but I'm not so sure anymore. The fact hasn't changed that he's a good guy. He's a great guy and I still have so so much respect for him. I just wish I knew- does he like me or not? Does he want me or not?
With these questions comes a myriad of answers that I give myself- none of them really positive. No, He doesn't want me. I'm too ugly, I'm too fat, I'm too this, I'm too that-- even though none of this is really true. It's how I feel and it's what is going through my head. Then I think, "If this really amazing guy doesn't want me, then who ever will?"
Now that I say it "out loud" it sounds really stupid. In my head, though, it seems absolutely plausible and 100% truth. Fun stuff, man.
Honestly, I just miss you. There's friendships in my life right now that are really icky and really hard. It's work but it isn't work that I'm enjoying. I want to work through things with you. Is it weird that I'm looking forward to working out and communicating problems with you? I know it won't be easy (Lord knows it won't) but I know it'll be worth it.
I'm tired. I'm frustrated. I'm weary. I want you to be here with me right now. I want you more than I want coffee (and that's a lot, ).
I don't know what's next. That scares me. I know God is asking me to trust Him and asking me to just follow Him but right now, every single step hurts. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to ache.
But as much as I don't want to ache, I don't want to be apart from the Lord and His will. So, even though it hurts and its hard, I'll keep following Him. Following Him and hoping that eventually it will lead to meeting you, falling in love with you, standing at the altar with you, and watching you read these letters.
As long as it takes,
Dear (hopefully) future husband,
As I'm sitting here outside, enjoying the sunshine and cool fall breeze, and working on homework, I find myself wondering what it would be like if you were sitting next me. I wonder what your laugh sounds like and what your frustrated breaths sound like. I wonder how your face crinkles up when the sun is in your eyes and if your hands are calloused or smooth. I wonder what you smell like and what kind of shampoo you use.
When I find myself wondering and as I am pondering, I feel devastated. I'm devastated that you're either not here with me or Jesus hasn't made it clear yet to me who you are yet. I'm devastated that you're not here to point me back to Jesus when I'm struggling, to listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay, and so much more. I'm devastated that I can't be those things for you. I wonder every single day if you feel the same way.
Sweet man, I am praying for you. Sometimes I think I'm already head over heels in love with you but then I realize I'm just in love with the idea of you. When I feel broken that right now I'm only in love with the idea of you, I pray that God would heal my heart and give me strength to wait to be in love with you and help me fall deeper in love with Him. I pray that I would be a good friend, good girlfriend, good fiancé, good wife and companion for you. Right now, I can promise to be a good friend but I don't know what any of those other things would look like in my life. I can imagine but imagining the perfect scenario doesn't make it reality at all.
I don't know if I'd be a good girlfriend, much less a good wife. That scares me. I've done this whole life thing by myself for so long that I don't know how to be all of those things. I want to be all that God has designed me to be but I have a tendency to get in the way of Jesus. One thing that I know for sure that is my constant, is that God will become everything in me that I don't think I can be. His power will be made perfect in my weakness. Remind me of that when I'm such a train wreck.
So, dear (hopefully) future husband, I pray that Jesus has wrapped His precious arms around and is protecting you from anything that could hurt you. I pray that You can feel His spirit with you daily and that each day you fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus. I pray that your heart is open to the molding of Jesus to be the man of God that He created you to be. I pray that you're happy and healthy. Selfishly, I pray that you miss me as much as I miss you.
I can't wait to see what God is going to do next in our lives and if you're not that next step, I can't wait to hear about what God has done in your life.
All my love,
Your (hopefully) future wife
Well, it's been a long time since I've done this and it is definitely loooong overdue. I hope you are doing well, that you are happy and healthy, and that you are loving where you are in life right now.
Can I just say...It has been super tough these past couple months? In my life there has been talk of engagements, boyfriends and girlfriends, weddings, and all other sorts of mushy-gushy stuff and I am currently without you.
It's hard to not be jealous of the people that seem to have everything that I could ever want in a relationship. They're cute, engaged (or really close to it), and 100% in love even through the hard stuff. And here I am struggling just to make it through a day without thinking about how much I may or may not have. These days it feels more like "not have."
It's kind of ironic because I'm always telling my sweet girls at church to find their hope, their love, and their identity in God while I am struggling to do the very same thing. I guess that's the beauty of the whole thing. How could I ask my girls to do something that I myself am not willing to do or fight for?
And I realize that when you walk into my life forever, there will be moments where I am really mad or confused or hurt and at the end of the day, I will always have to find my hope, my strength, my love, and my identity in God alone. Maybe that's why God hasn't brought us together yet… Maybe we are both still learning what it means to be completely in love with our Maker and Savior and when we come together, we will be a force to be reckoned with against the powers of Satan. And right now, that's what we have to do. We have to fight Satan for our right to love our God without guilt or that lonely feeling that sometimes creeps into our hearts.
I have no idea if you feel the same way or if you're struggling too but I can only hope that no matter what is going on in your life right now, you are finding your refuge in God and His great, all-encompassing love for you…
Right now 1 Corinthians 13:4 keeps popping in my head.
"Love is patient…"
Easier said than done but I'm trying.
See you soon hopefully.
Hello, my friend. Or should I say, "Sup!"
I am writing this to you for the sake of your future wife, your mom, and the older you who will look back on these years with either great pride or extreme remorse.
First, let me give you a few rules that you really need to abide by through your middle and high school years. And the rest of your lives. These things are non-negotiable.
1. Porn is wrong. Please, I beg you, DO NOT watch it, look at it, or participate in it in any way.
"Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." (Philippians 4:8)
Do any of those things describe or define pornography? I think we both can agree on that on.
2. Love and respect your mom no matter how much she gets on your nerves or makes you angry...LOVE HER. RESPECT HER. Why? Because when you are about 18, you will realize that all those times your mom said something and you rolled your eyes because you thought what she said was completely ridiculous, she was 100% correct. Everything she ever said was right. And one day, Lord willing, you will bring home a girl from college that hope to make your wife. And you are going to want her honest opinion because you know that she will be the one person you can count on to look out for your best interest.
3. That older sister you find so aggravating, she actually has some of the best advice around. She has been through what you are going through and she has witnessed so many people's mistakes. She can help guide you through these crazy days of middle school and high school. That younger sister that you find so extremely annoying, watch out for her. She's never done this before and she's going to need; wait, she's going to need your advice. Help her.
4. Be a friend. You will meet a lot of people that you may not like, that may be very different from you, and people whose beliefs you completely disagree with. See, here's the thing; every person has their own struggles and their own battle that they are facing. Be a friend to them. You never know what someone is facing and just a kind word or a smile could lift their spirits.
5. Most importantly: Love Jesus with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Jesus is the ONLY one that will get you through the hardest days of your life. When everyone else will fail you (and they will), Jesus will still be there, still faithful, and the same yesterday, today, and forever. So lean on Him completely and totally and the rest of these rules won't be so difficult. Because if you truly love Jesus, you will find that you will WANT to do the other rules and that those rules will not be forced.
So, sweet boy, I love you. I wouldn't write this if I didn't love you. Don't worry your little head about finding the perfect girl, being the coolest guy in the class, or being everything that society wants you to be. You are perfect just the way you are and there is no one cooler than you and more amazing than you. Your identity is found in JESUS, the Author and Finisher of our faith and the one who holds ALL things in his hands. He loves you.
I hope and pray that you will follow these rules and you will grow up to be the man of God that you are destined to be.
All my love and prayers,
Dear teenage girl,
Can I tell you a secret?
You are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. I bet a lot of older people tell you that. I bet that you shrug it off and reason it away because they’re old and they don’t understand what boys like these days. They don’t get it do they?
Can I tell you another secret?
They do get it. They were a teenage once and all the people they went to church with or any stranger their mom struck a conversation with at Walmart told them the exact same thing. And you know what they did? They shrugged it off and assumed the people that thought they were beautiful didn’t know what they were talking about because, “they don’t know what boys like these days.” And you know why they are telling you this every chance they get?
Because, like you, they didn’t believe those wonderful people in their lives and believed all the lies about what a real girls should look like, what real girls should do, and what real girls shouldn’t do. And they followed the “rules” disguised as truth and did anything to look the way “real girls” should look, did whatever “real girls” should do, and didn’t do whatever “real girls” shouldn’t do. If they were sitting here writing this to you, do you know what they would tell you?
They were miserable.
And they hated themselves.
Then they learned to love themselves. They learned to love the way their belly pooched out after they ate too much of their favorite meal. They learned to love the way their hair looked after a really long, really good nap. They learned to love the way their face looked when it wasn’t hidden by makeup. They learned to love their body and love themselves. And why wouldn’t they? They were beautiful, each in their own way.
Can I tell you another secret? Do you want to know how beautiful you are?
“You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love,
beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.”
Sweet girl, that came from the Bible. That is Song of Solomon 4:7 (The Message) and that my beautiful friend, is how the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End, Lion of Judah, the Creator of all things feels about you and what He thinks when He looks at you.
Randy Alcorn once said (and I am paraphrasing) “Jesus didn’t want to imagine spending eternity without you so He went to hell for three days so He wouldn’t have to.”
Can you wrap your head around that? Jesus. The most powerful person ever to put their foot in this dirt called Earth, thought facing hell and the worst kind of torment ever even imagined forthree would be better than spending eternity without you. Now THAT is love.
So let’s think about it this way: Jesus made you and designed every aspect of your body. (Psalm 139, read it. It’s life-changing) Jesus also conquered death, hell, and the grave to have you forever. Jesus inspired Solomon to write Song of Solomon so that you could know how He felt about you. Jesus died so He wouldn’t live without you.
I think if one person was willing to do all of that (and so much more!) for you, then that must mean you are pretty special and pretty awesome just the way you are.
Sweet girl, the King of the Universe loves you with a love so wide and so deep that goes on and on forever and there’s no way we could measure it. Love Him back and once you do you will find all the love you will ever need, all the pleasure you could ever find, and all the joy you could ever feel. And then all of a sudden, it won’t matter what boys like these days. It won’t matter what a “real girl” does, what a “real girl” doesn’t do, and what a “real girl” looks like. All that will matter is loving and serving the God and Creator that couldn’t imagine life without you.
He loves you, darling.
So, can I tell you a secret?
You are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous.
All my love and endless prayers,
To whom it may concern,
Right now, I am going to lie to you.
You are ridiculous. You are not perfect. You are not a celebrity, you are not superhuman. You are not "pretty enough." You are not strong enough. You are not smart enough.
Ouch, right? And the honest truth is you probably hear this every single day whether someone says this to you or it's that really annoying voice in your head.
Now, I am going to tell you the truth. Are you ready for this?
You are ridiculously awesome! You were made by the perfect God who holds all things, does all things, and is in control of all things.
You are perfectly imperfect, quirks and all.
You mean the world to someone who can't live without you, you are someone's superhero.
You are 100% beautiful. You were made and designed by the Creator of the universe.
You are stronger than you will ever know because the One who defeated death, hell, and the grave lives inside of you.
You have the mind of Christ.
You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.
You are loved by someone who couldn't imagine spending eternity without you so He came and died for you so that one day, He could be with you forever and ever.
So to whom it may concern,
Keep your head up.
A smile on your face.
And all of these truths in your heart.
Someone who cares enough about you to write