Lately there hasn't really been anything to write about. Some days I'm filled some emotion that overwhelms me so much I just want to cry. Some days are just another day. But I think the best words are the ones left unsaid. When we put our thoughts down in writing, they become action. There's just something about our words being tangible that causes an action. But the words left unsaid...those are the ones that really count. They're our real emotions and our real feelings. What we feel in the moments but sugar coat what comes out of our mouths to be nice or hide how we really feel. For me, the things I leave unsaid are really the things I need to get out. But really there's only one place I feel like I can say them and I'll be corrected if my views are wrong but it's the safest place I can go and my feelings aren't kept bottled up inside. My one place is my safe place, my strong tower, my shelter, my God. The best part is...get this...when I don't know what to say and I'm just so overwhelmed that words can't describe, my Savior will come and translate what I'm feeling and intercede to the Father for me. I just have to sit and listen. My God is my best friend, my Daddy, my protector, my love, my all, my everything. I would be completely lost without Him. Even when I stray and I feel like I'm fighting everyday on my own, He's STILL there. I just have to come back. It's so easy to stray away but it's so hard to come back sometimes. It's so easy to get so consumed in the day to day life and not spend time with my Savior and that's what really put's me in a funk. My testimony may not be like "I was addicted to crack and God saved me" but it's about all those times I'm in a big ole mess of a funk and God takes His big, strong, gentle hands and pull me out. I love how He's the only person that can make me feel...I don't know. He makes me feel so special that He would pay so much attention just to me when there are 40 billion other people in the world that are 98% stronger than I am. And He wants to deal with weak, little old me. It's just like that 2 Corinthians 12:9 and he says it specifically to me "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" W.O.W. I am weak so that people will be able to see HIS power in me and if someone asks me something I can honestly say "It's not me. It's alllllll God."
How amazing is the love of the Father on us. <3
So the other day I was thinking and wishing that I was alive when Jesus was and that I was one of the 12. How cool would it be to spend day and night beside Jesus and to fall in love with Him face to face? You could hear His voice, see His miracles, walk beside Him, and see others come to know Him. Ohh how I sometimes wish I was there. But then I thought, would I be able to see someone that I love now with all my heart be tortured, mocked, and hung on a cross then? I don't know. I don't think I could handle it. It would almost seem like too much. I love my Savior with all of my heart and I don't think I could stand and watch Him die and not be able to stop it. It would be crushing. And once Jesus rose three days later, would I believe what the girls said? Would I believe Peter and John? Would I run to the empty tomb, walk right in and not hesitate? I'd like to think that I would now right away that everything my Lord had said was true, but I don't really know. But what I do know is this. I don't have to watch my Lord die again because He is alive. I know that either A) I'll get to see Him face to face before I'm dead or B) when I die, He'll meet me at the gate. I get to spend my life with Him forever and ever and ever. I do know that even though I'm not physically beside Him, I am with Him and He is with me. Always and Forever. Amen.
Lord, I love You so much and I would be completely lost without You. <3
I am currently a teacher and life-long student of Scripture learning more about life and Jesus's marvelous love and boundless grace.